Seems like the only time I write here is post tears, or before a major event, usually one with a bag of shame clinging onto it. 
I am tired of being sad. Of being used and abused. I am this way because my heart always moves faster than reason.
I said I'd give it six months. Time is almost up and I am going to have to cut the line. What's the fisherman saying? Cut line and lose bait? Yes, I am there almost. Still working up the nerve to do it. Working up the strength to say those words that will put me right into the alone catagory.  I don't want to be alone. It scares me. But I don't want to be used, either. What a sticky mess I've  made. It stinks. I feel I am being played. Used. Taken advantage of. How did come to this? I am sick from me walking into a broken mess thinking love will heal all wounds. Some wounds are irreparable.  Another lesson. When do I get a break from all these lessons?  Do I ever get a break from this? I fear the answer is no. No you bite a lemon, and it's going to be sour. You try to fix broken,  and get pushed away emotionally,  yet let me use your kindness. Hey, can I borrow your car? (Of course you may) I have no way to get a hold of my kids. SIGH... (here, let me get you a cell phone,  and pay for you to be on my plan). May I use your car for work? Okay, (let me put you on my insurance just in case something would / could  happen) WHO IS THIS YES PERSON? ??  Oh my God, it's me!!!!
Who have I become? Where the hell did I go? Since when have I relinquished myself in the hope someone would want me? This is a very, very uncomfortable first. My innards are telling me something is coming, and it isn't good.

Is there time to save me from this? Gosh, I don't know.