Damn. Damn. Damn. I hate family sometimes. The things your family says. They talk without thinking, say things that rip your heart in tiny pieces. Words that drive you away without them realizing it. Or maybe they do. Maybe they just don't give two shakes of a lambs tail that they are pushing a giant wedge into the love you have for them until your love is more like anger, disappointment, and sadness that life has become like this. 

Days turn into dreaded minutes of the clock, tick-tick-ticking away to the point that you wish the clock broke so you wouldn't have to look at it and think about the words that were said. I hate you, you are a f***ing bitch. I am not, I gave you life, love, and would lay down and die for you. Why does a person say such horrible things? I just don't comprehend the dynamics of such hate towards me, or towards ANYONE for that matter.

Jealousy has no place here, and maybe it stems from that. Children no matter the age still act like children at times. It is so frustrating and bizarre.  If this was the first time this had happened I could stomach it better I think, but this has gone on for so long that it is seemingly becoming a way of life. Somewhat of abuse, verbal and emotional cruelty. It is forcing me to remove my person emotionally and somewhat physically to preserve myself, my sanity and dignity. How can I make sense of estranging myself from my child? That is what soap operas and dramas of the television and movies are made of. Not my life. It is on the six o'clock news.

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? HOW AM I GOING TO FIGURE THIS OUT?

Ignore this like usual? Not talk about it? Avoid it? No matter what I decide to do, it is the choice I make. Gosh being a parent NEVER ends! I thought once your kids grew up, they would be adults and respect you and love you and be adults. My I think I was wrong.

WHAT'S a Mom to do???